Monday, October 27, 2014

FB Question: Keeping Your Guard Up

Question from FB:

Why do women keep their guard up for so long and pull away when men start to catch feelings?

Harmuny's World Answer: 

Every case is different. People don't want to take the risk of being hurt. You hear life is pain, but there is a balance to everything. She may have baggage that she doesn't trust you with, so before the guy gets too comfortable she pulls away. We all tend to overlook venerability when it comes down to relationships. Think about it, if the ultimate goal of talking to someone isn't marriage then what are you all doing, wasting time?

A. Keeping the Guard up
When you let someone in your life, a lot happens. Have you heard what you do affects everyone else around you? Rather positive or negative, things change. It is vital that some type of guard is kept up because we don't want a lot of broken people walking around. I don't want to get too deep in section A, but humans are fickle, we all look to fill a void that we think is in someone else. Agree? Breaking that down: we crave to be craved. 

B. Baggage
Over time in each of our lives we have certain things that cling to us or we cling to. A home, parents, vehicle(s) siblings, other family members, a boat, debt, previous relationship(s) that didn't work, memories, childhood, there could be numerous of things people are captured by. We are either running from something or to something at one time or another. Possibly children from a previous something and now you have to find someone who you trust to protect and appreciate them as well as you. When we decide to talk to someone we sign up to help unpack things seen and unseen. We all have baggage. That is why being mature when getting involved with anyone is important. We all are at different stages in life and those who find an equal are blessed.

C. Catching Feelings
I chose to sum up this "catching feelings" as having an attraction, I won't name a specific attraction because as you read this you will apply your own and yes there are a few. The key word here is "feelings". We are emotional and to not get all scientific we end up on an emotional roller coaster when it comes down to relationships. Attraction is a gift; it can be related to confidence which is something that must be worn well. So this catching feeling, I hear is getting to know someone surface based. At the beginning people naturally do the crazy check, Making sure the person is sane first and then what issues they are currently facing, then the attraction may go a little deeper once you get past the associate stage. Liking someone and claiming someone is totally different. THE GAME! It can be annoying the whole thing of be the player or get played. But that is a youthful (as in immature) topic and one I won't cover in this blog.

D. Getting Comfortable
Allowing someone in is like the fight of life, for some. Once on a steady something, whatever people call it these days getting comfortable can be a task or smooth sailing. You meet family, you meet friends, you share secrets, you share struggles, and you still may only be scratching the surface. You look into spirituality or how you plan to build family morals and values play a huge part in getting comfortable. You take advice from each other and you look to each other to have answers the other may or may not have. This is an area to grow together where you also discover who and what you are becoming rather positive or negative. The saying show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are. You are friends in the getting comfortable stage.

E. Trust
I chose to add trust in this topic because it is a make or break in the initial topic of why women run when there is an opportunity to settle. Side note: Men have commitment issues too. Maybe the individual woke up and realized before they got too deep where things were heading and they ran for the nearest exit. If you don't trust someone let it go (my opinion if you all are not married) (Married folk must seek God about their relationship as well as single, but your bond {married folk} is not in a position to walk away you have a lot more at stake). Touchy topic but trust these days is what each individual makes it. The bible says put your trust in God. From my personal experience, I pray, if someone I talk to act up, no worries, tough cookie!!! If I act up, I would hope the same. We all are a work in progress.

I will conclude there! There is a lot more I can cover on this topic
but I will hold off for now, let me know if I answered the question and kept it unbiased. Feel free to comment and share constructive criticism.

I could add a few Bible verses just to help put things into perspective or you can comment and share scripture.

1 comment:

  1. I see what you are doing... Keep doing what you are doing...